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BIA implements strict new individual recognition standards on March 15

BIA implements strict new individual recognition standards on March 15

The days of the Wanabe European-American are almost over. After years of complaints by European-Americans, the Department of Interior’s  Bureau of Indo-European Affairs is finally implementing regulations that will prohibit the imitation of Europeans in movies and television by those who cannot prove legitimate European ancestry. 

The regulations also set strict standards for what can be labeled “Authentic European-American Art.”   This dramatic change is a direct result of the ONLY law passed by Congress in the past four years,  The Wannabe Art & Status Prohibition Act of 2016 (WASPA).

(Photo above) European-Americans have tried to become socially accepted by wearing Native American clothing, but this sincere effort to blend in has had little effect on their economic prospects.

The problem has been around for over a century. From the earliest days of Hollywood, Native American actors and actresses dyed their hair blond or red then stayed out of the sun in order to steal roles in movies, playing characters of European ancestry. Because Native Americans were of superior moral character, mental health and physical stamina, these Wanabe Europeans, came to dominant the industry, while real Europeans wallowed away opportunities during episodes of their always crazy behavior and addiction to cocaine.

It was hoped that television would open up opportunities for European-American actors and actresses, but the deceptions continued. One of the most blatant examples was the blockbuster TV series, Bonanza, which ran from 1959 to 1973. The plot of the series was that a father and three sons left their devastated plantation in the South after the Civil War to settle in Virginia City, Nevada – a gold rush boom town. The father was played by Lorne Greene, a Canadian.  Most of the other actors were Yankees of questionable ethnic purity – said to be actually Jewish, not Aryan-Europeans.

pernell-robertsThe only Southerner in the series was Pernell Roberts, who got the role by listing on his job application that he was descended from white planter aristocracy – growing up on a cotton plantation. He was actually a Creek Indian from the Okefenokee Swamp. A POOF investigation has revealed that his father operated an insurance agency on Oak Street in Waycross, GA. He was NOT a bonified white, European-American planter.

Carrie-UnderwoodEuropean-Americans were outraged when Carrie Underwood won American Idol and went on to stardom in Nashville.

Yes, she had some European ancestry, but she was really a citizen of the Muscogee-Creek Nation. Carrie was consistently sane, drug-free and a decent person, which put the other contestants at a blatant disadvantage.

Strict new regulations

Effective March 15, 2016, the following regulations go into effect:

1. All works of art labeled, “Made by a European-American” must have been personally created by the holder of a BIA ID card.

2. All persons playing the roles of Europeans in films, TV programs and live plays must have a BIA ID card. A person violating this law or using a fraudulent card will be subject to criminal charges.

3. European-American actors and actresses cannot be rejected for parts because they are crazy. Since most white actors and actresses are crazy, the practice is inherently discriminatory. Movie studios will no longer be allowed to require drug tests for white performers.

4. In order to be issued an ID card by the BIA as a federally-recognized European-American, all applicants must submit a certified genealogy, proving pure European ancestry. In addition, the applicant must submit a notarized birth certificate for a direct ancestor in each generation, plus a birth or baptismal certificate for the European ancestor, who immigrated to the United States.

5. Any person who is more than 1/64th Native American cannot be issued a BIA card.

Thelma Lu Kuykendall, the head of the BIA’s new Equal Opportunity for European Americans program, gave the following warning at the press conference on Friday, February 26, 2016: “Let me make this perfectly clear. The days of people getting BIA cards based on the statement, I think I am part White, but I can’t prove it, are over. If you expect the federal government to give you special treatment because as a European-American, you have been discriminated against, you must prove it legally!”

boss-hogg-hazzardA POOF reporter interviewed Texas Congressman Wilhelm Von Borman (R), who sponsored the bill and is now Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. He was asked why it took eight years for the bill to get out of his committee and be passed.

Von Borman responded, “As always, it’s the liberal, tax and spend, Republicans, who control Congress. They are the Washington Establishment, who always block progress and keep us from getting what we want. Well, ultimately it’s the Constitution and especially the Bill of Rights, which are keeping America from being great.  Constitutions are the reason that Middle Eastern countries like Norway are so poor.  Think what wonderful things NAZI Germany gave the world because they had one party, one leader and no constitution!”

POOF was unable to contact President Obama for his response to Von Borman’s statement. As usual he was out on the golf course, entertaining celebrities.

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Richard Thornton is a professional architect, city planner, author and museum exhibit designer-builder. He is today considered one of the nation’s leading experts on the Southeastern Indians. However, that was not always the case. While at Georgia Tech Richard was the first winner of the Barrett Fellowship, which enabled him to study Mesoamerican architecture and culture in Mexico under the auspices of the Institutio Nacional de Antropoligia e Historia. Dr. Roman Piňa-Chan, the famous archaeologist and director of the Museo Nacional de Antropologia, was his fellowship coordinator. For decades afterward, he lectured at universities and professional societies around the Southeast on Mesoamerican architecture, while knowing very little about his own Creek heritage. Then he was hired to carry out projects for the Muscogee-Creek Nation in Oklahoma. The rest is history. Richard is the Tribal Historic Preservation Officer for the KVWETV (Coweta) Creek Tribe and a member of the Perdido Bay Creek Tribe. In 2009 he was the architect for Oklahoma’s Trail of Tears Memorial at Council Oak Park in Tulsa. He is the president of the Apalache Foundation, which is sponsoring research into the advanced indigenous societies of the Lower Southeast.

7 Comments

  1. csmoke@webound.com'

    our family (on my mother’s side) always said we are part white European. we had a dna test done, but it did not show any white European. there was some ancestry, about 8% that is “unknown”… we think those are the white Europeans.

    Reply
  2. contact@jonathanrex.com'

    My Great-Grandfather was a full blooded Irish Leprechaun. I don’t know his name and can’t prove it but he had a green suit and used to talk a lot about when he was a “we little lad”.

    Reply
  3. Tidewriter@aol.com'

    Does alien ancestry count? The truth is out there. 🙂

    Reply
    • Your name is familiar. Didn’t we come from the Planet Regulus on the same spaceship?

      Reply
    • Thank you! I try to mix in some humor betwixt my nerdy research articles.

      Reply

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