Georgia archaeologists charged with planting 900 year old bones in Ohio site!
Amicalola Falls, GA (August 4, 2017) – Overnight, a wave of FBI agents, wearing bullet proof vests, stormed into a compound deep within Georgia’s Blue Ridge Mountains to arrest the Plum Nelly Bone Digging Gang, a notorious ring of internationally famous archaeologists, who have been leading the secret lives of Native American bone thieves.
The leader of the gang is Laird Rob Roy McGreggor . . . known to TV viewers around the world. He has studied more Native American mounds than any other archaeologist in Georgia. McGreggor and his accomplices have been charged with illegal excavation of archaeological sites on federal property and illegal interstate transport of human remains.
The Ohio State Police have discovered 900 year old human bones at a road side site in Jefferson Township. The discovery is described in the video below. Undisclosed evidence, found at the crime scene, links these bones to McGreggor and a case of Native American grave robbing in northern Georgia. An FBI spokesman stated that McGreggor made a crucial error by dumping real Native American bones in Ohio, rather than utilizing Cherokee bones as in past crimes. According to the FBI regional office in Lawrenceville, GA, more charges are pending after conclusion of their investigation. FBI agents coined the name, “Plum Nelly Bone Digging Gang,” because their secret base of operations was “plum outa Tennessee and nelly outa Jawja.”
As shown in the video below, local residents in Jefferson Township, Ohio insisted that in this newest case, the ancient bones were planted.
Decade long crime spree
Beginning as early as 2007, law enforcement agencies throughout the Southeastern and Midwestern United States began reporting deposits of ancient bones suddenly appearing at locations, when no one had noticed them before. Most were interpreted as being ancient Cherokee remains because the bones were typically accompanied by 17th century Spanish mining tools and cigar molds, at least one Menorah, plus Clovis spear points and often a transistor radio, glass bottles and Spandex running pants. The Cherokees are known to have invented Clovis spear points, pottery, glass, transistor radios and Spandex.
Simultaneously, US Forest Service rangers were finding strange pits, recently dug in the national forests of North Carolina, Georgia and Tennessee. At several locations, archaeological artifacts had been discarded near the pits or were left in the excavated soil. Rangers were convinced that they were dealing with sophisticated interstate artifact theft ring, but could not come up with any suspects.
President Barrack Obama ordered former FBI Director James Comey to form a task force to hunt down the artifact thieves. Until recently, agents have been baffled by this strange case. There were no tire tracks or human footprints at crime scenes.
The investigation has been further hampered during the past six months by the general state of malaise and depression that is sweeping Southern Highlands residents. For the past eight years, when Tammy Sue got pregnant at age 14, she could say “The Obama made me do it” and the faux pas would be overlooked. Her entire Baptist church would take financial responsibility for the child’s upbringing. More recently, if her father, Billy Joe, was caught in the bedroom with his wife’s four best lady friends, they all could say, “Hillary made us do it!” Then Billy Joe, his wife, Britney, and her four best friends could laugh it off afterward at a local honkytonk. Now, there is no one to blame, but Librul Terrorists . . . and that’s hard to prove. No one knows what they look like.
A major break in the case
In June 2017, Deputy Roger Grizzle of the Lumpkin County, GA Sheriff’s department, noticed that someone had been digging small pits along Nimblewill Road, as it entered the Chattahoochee National Forest. His law enforcement agency set up infrared video cameras along Nimblewill Road, while USFS rangers set up cameras on the unpaved road that extends from it into the national forest. They immediately struck “pay dirt” . . . readers will excuse the pun.
The Lumpkin County, GA sheriff’s department and FBI had proof that archaeologists were involved with the illegal excavation of a mound on federally-owned land in Georgia, but what species of archaeologist were they . . . canus or pseudo-homo sapiens? An FBI photo-geometrics expert in their Quantico, VA facility determined that the brain cavities of these two culprits were far too large to be pseudo-homo sapiens. They were definitely Canine Archaeologists. But who? Pseudo-homo sapiens archaeologists are more numerous, but canine sleuths dominate the profession because of their superior detection and analytical skills. The riddle was turned over to a team of investigators with degrees in psychology.
FBI Special Agent Rene Bodhron was stumped. She was convinced that Rob Roy McGreggor was a member of the gang. The criminal on the right strongly resembles the McGreggor seen on TV. However, it made no sense that McGreggor would be intimately knowledgeable of the terrain in rural, central Ohio. He has lived his entire life in Georgia. Then Bodhron made an astonishing discovery.
While Googling the key words – canine – archaeology – Ohio – mounds, the name Rob Roy came up. In March 2006, a Scottish Highland herd dog named Rob Roy and his girl friend, named Lady Seana, formerly of Lenoir, North Carolina, were arrested by Ohio State Parks Department rangers for playing “King on the Mountain” at the Great Serpent Mound in Adams County, Ohio. Their names were not listed on the National Crime Information System because they were 8 week old juveniles at the time. Bodhron soon determined that McGreggor was born on a sheep farm in Jefferson Township, Ohio. In fact the edge of its pasture is across the creek from where the 900 year old Native American bones were found on August 1, 2017. Crime Solved!
McGreggor was released on bail this morning. As he walked out of the Federal Detention Center with his attorney, he made the following brief statement, “I am being persecuted on Trump-ed up charges. I merely wanted to make the Cherokee Nation great again.”
It appears that Mr. McGreggor has a bone to chew in regard to current federal laws that require the protection of Native American graves.
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